Working on this EP was such an incredible learning experience. When I set out to do this I had one main goal: prove to myself that I could drive the completion of a original body of musical works that I was proud of. I accomplished this goal, but along the way learned so much more than I anticipated.
The amount of insecurity and self-doubt I was forced to face with every release and every performance was at times overwhelming. The constant narrative playing in the back of my mind reminded me of the "normal life" I used to live with a job and a paycheck and a coveted title on my LinkedIn Profile. On paper, my former "normal life," left little room for doubt as to whether or not I was at least "on track for success" - by some standards I was already successful. In every decision to share a song with people, I not only experienced the questions of self doubt in my head, but I also took liberties in making up and entertaining all the questions and doubts my audience might have about my music and my path. I got a glimpse into how and why artists go a bit cray historically.
I've always felt squeezed and confined by the jobs I've had. I know this isn't uncommon, and some would say it's a necessary part of building a "successful career". But when you're as far away from your calling as a research scientist is from a musician, the tension gets intense. From working on my PhD in cancer research labs, to working in tech, I discovered there were many things I could do, but making music was the only thing that made every molecule in my being reverberate and every synapse in my brain fire like I had never been alive before in my life. I've known this for years, but decided to fit myself in a box because I thought we all belonged in boxes. Now I understand that we're all destined for boxes when we die - when our Spirits have left our bodies - but while our God-given Spirit is still in us, we're called to be ALIVE.
So the simple response to my questions of doubt about this path, or whether it's worth facing insecurity, uncertainty, the stripping of titles, and instable income, became - "Do you want to be live ALIVE, or call it early and hop in your box now?" I choose to be ALIVE while I'm here. As a disclaimer, this is not a knock on corporate America, or anyone who I've had the pleasure of working with in some of these other environments. In fact it's quite the opposite. It was the passion that my mentors in the research labs I worked in had for their work that drove me to find that same thing for myself. One man's box is another man's open field of freedom. Your Spirit knows the difference.
In faith I will keep walking this journey, and I will continue to share as I feel led. My prayer is simply that I can get out of the way, with all my fears, selfishness, anxiety, desire to conform, yearnings for security and the normal life, so that I can allow God to use me exactly as he's created me to do that which he's called me to do on this earth. Right now, it's music, and it is only the beginning.
Thanks for following along!!
I'm spending time producing and writing with some folks in LA currently and will have more music out soon. For now, enjoy the EP and let me know what you think!!